


Spider-Man-Identity-Extraction-Plan

by Nanerich



Series: Ironfam [5]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Gen, Harley Ned and Peter are major fanboys, Sibling Rivalry, but not for long, everybody is happy and alive, everyybody is friends, new kid Harley
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-16
Updated: 2019-08-16
Packaged: 2020-09-02 09:53:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20274004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nanerich/pseuds/Nanerich
Summary: Ever now and then, Tony invites Harley to come over to the compound. As awesome as it is to work with Tony and getting to know the Avengers, Harley really wants to meet his absolute favourite superhero - Spider-Man. Whoever might be under that mask, Harley was determined to get Tony to slip up and tell him eventually. And if Tony wouldn't, then maybe his intern, Peter.





	1. Chapter 1

“Harley Keener!“

“Mr. Mechanic!“ Harley jumped out of the car and right away an arm wrapped itself around his shoulders.

“Had a good travel?”

“I did!” He grinned up at the man, who glanced over his glasses, a wide smile on his face.

“Did you bring it?”

“In the trunk.”

“Perfect!” Tony walked around the car and got the case out. “Mark V, if I’m not mistaken?”

“Actually Mark VI”, Harley grinned.

“Oh, you kept on working on it, nice! Off to the workshop then!”

It was absolutely awesome. Every few months, Tony flew Harley over to the compound, the actual Avenger’s compound, to work together, to teach Harley the basics of mechanics. Their object of work: the potato gun. Ever since their adventure, it had become their thing to improve it, until one day it might be Harley’s very own Ironmansuit! That’s what he hoped for at least, but only time would tell.

The gun was one of three things he came to the compound for. The second was to get all the Avenger’s gossip and meet them all at least once. He already met Bruce Banner, Mr. Iron Patriot Rhodes and Vision. It kind of felt like a collector’s album, but they were the Avengers after all!

The third, last and most difficult one, he wanted to find out who was Spider-Man? He was the only Avenger with a secret identity, which was already making him curious enough. But Spider-Man was so cool! Like, you only saw the other Avengers when the world was about to end, but Spidey… There were new videos of him saving people on YouTube pretty much weekly. Just the other day there was one where Spider-Man stopped a car from crashing into a shop window. Actually stopped it, as in standing in the way of it and stopping it with his body! Like what?

Harley just had to find out who he was. And being friends with Ironman should help, right? Wrong! No matter what Harley tried, nothing worked. Nothing!

So, if he wanted to find out, who he was, he had to be patient. That’s why in the two months since his last visit, he developed his 93-step-plan, played out over the next few months, to get Tony to slip up. It was going to be tough, he had to be persistent like never before.

Step 1: Play It Cool.

“Harley, we have been working for three hours now and you haven’t asked me once about Spider-Man.”

“Oh.” Harley looked up. “I hadn’t realized”, he shrugged, trying to feign innocence. “Would you tell me who he is, if I asked?”

Tony just shook his head.

“That’s what I thought. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still curious as hell. (Step 2: Don’t Play It Too Cool) Did you see that video of video of him stopping that car?”

“Yeah, I was really impressed, too”

As innocently as he could, he glanced up at Tony. “Did you ever stop a car like that?”

“Did you?”, Tony shot back, a smug grin on his face.

“Alright”, Harley grinned, and back to work they went. The hours flew by, until they were interrupted by a voice.

“Hey Mr. Stark, FRI said, you’re down here and… oh, hi.” A boy, roughly his own age ran in and stopped as soon as he saw Harley. “Sorry, I didn’t know you had a visitor.”

“Hey kid, it’s alright, come in!”

The boy walked up to Harley and held his hand out. “Hi, I’m Peter. I’m Mr. Stark’s intern.”

“Hey Peter, I’m Harley.”

“Oh, you’re the one with the potato gun, right? Mr. Stark told me about that.”

“Really?” Oh, Tony talked about him! That felt really good! “So, as his intern, do you work at SI, or even with the Avengers?”

“Yeah, sort of a bit of everything, taking care of whatever might arise.”

“Wow, that’s awesome!”

“So, kid, what’s up?” Tony looked over at Peter.

“Uhm, it’s no biggie, I can come by later”, he answered, a little nervously.

“You sure?” Concerned, Tony raised his eyebrows.

“Yeah… It’s just… Mhm, Spider-Man, you know?”

“You know Spider-Man?” Harley felt his chin hitting the floor.

“Uuh, yeah, I guess…”

“WOW!”

“Spidey’s his favourite Avenger”, Tony explained, a dead-pan expression on his face.

“Oh really?”, Peter grinned, “even more than him?”

“Hmpf”, Tony grumbled. “Anyways, do I need to get back to him right away or can he hold out?”

“Uhm, no, it’s not that urgent… Something about issues with the suit.”

This was incredible. Excitedly, Harley looked between them, like at a tennis match.

“But, not like bullet-hole issues or anything like that?”

Oh, this was intriguing!

“What? No, just some software issue. But if you’re busy, his guy in a chair can take care of it.”

“Guy in a chair? Like in the movies?” The longer he listened, the cooler Spider-Man got.

“Harley is here the entire weekend; can it wait till next week?”

“Sure, I guess, it’s not that big a deal. That’s what he said”, he quickly added.

“He could come anyways, maybe I can help”, Harley grinned.

“Hahaha, still not telling you who he is.”

To the confused look Peter shot them, Harley just answered: “I may have asked Tony once or twice about his identity…”

“Try a hundred times”, Tony scoffed.

“Why did you never tell him?” Peter looked at Tony, all earnest and intense.

“Because it’s not my secret to tell”, Tony answered with an equally serious expression.

“Alright… Well, I’ll tell Spidey to come by next week.”

“Would you call him?”

“Sure”, Peter answered, “I’ll do it right now.”

“Thanks, Pete.”

“Good luck with your potato gun!”

“Thanks, was nice meeting you!”, Harley called after him.

“Yeah, you too”, Peter smiled back at him, before he left the workshop.

“He seems really great.”

“Yeah, he is”, Tony smiled, “you are, too. So get back to work!”

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

So, that was Harley. Mhm. A bit aimlessly, Peter wandered around the compound, eventually ending up in the kitchen. Some ice cream should lighten his mood, Hunk-a-Hulka-Burning-Fudge usually did the trick.

Why was he feeling so weird now? He wasn’t actually jealous of Harley, was he? That would be absolutely unnecessary and also totally unfair to Mr. Stark and Harley.

“Huh, sad Spidey! What’s wrong, kid?” Clint dropped down opposite him.

“Who says I’m sad?”

“You’re eating Hunk-A-Hulk. That’s your ‘I’m-in-a-mood-ice cream’”, the man observed.

“Yeah, well, I’m not really sad… I’m more like… a bit confused.”

“Confused?”, he raised his eyebrows, “what, got hair growing in funny places?”

“Seriously?”

“Just a joke”, Clint snickered. “Wait, is it because of that Harley-kid?”

Peter just shrugged and gobbled up another spoon of ice cream.

“Are you jealous?”

“No! At least I don’t think so… I definitely don’t have any reason to be.”

“Mhm…” Clint was silent, pensive for a moment, before he continued with a shrug. “Well, I might have an idea what’s up, but you’re not going to like it.

“Wow, that’s promising”, Peter grumbled.

“Yeah, well, sounds to me like sibling rivalry…”

“WHAT? Come on Clint. Mr. Stark’s not my dad!”

“Same difference. You’ve been the ‘only one’, getting all of Tony’s attention, so now it’s weird to see him spend time with someone else.”

“Alright”, Peter agreed eventually with Clint’s analysis, albeit reluctantly. “How do I make it not weird?”

“Get to know him”, he suggested. “I’m sure you’ll get on well.”

“Hm, I guess…” Peter got his phone out. Maybe he could join them tomorrow?

**Peter: ** Hey Mr. Stark, Harley seems really cool, can I maybe join you two in the lab tomorrow? Only if it’s cool with you, though.

“Alright. Anti-sibling-rivalry-protocol activated”, he grinned.

“Good. And it looks like we can put ‘Hunk-A-Hulk’ away and get some celebratory ‘Strawberry-Slinging-Spider-Man’”, Clint smiled back.

“Sounds like a plan!”

.

**Tony: **Hey kid, not sure if I want to do that to myself, still have a few non-grey hairs left I’d like to keep…

**Peter: **Wow, leave it to the genius, billionaire, philanthropist to base his decision-making on the state of his hair…

**Tony: **I am in the eye of the public on a daily basis, so the state of my hair is a lot more important than I’d trust some snot-nosed highschooler to understand

**Peter: **So the public doesn’t know you dye it?

.

“Is he not answering anymore?”, Clint snickered. “Guess his ego isn’t made of iron…”

“Maybe not”, Peter laughed, “But I might not get to join the lab anymore…”

“As if Tony would ever be mad at you. But, on the off-chance he does lock you out, we can do some archery.”

“Oh yes!”, Peter felt his eyes lighting up, “that’d be so cool!”

“You know what?” Clint grinned, almost deviously. “FRIDAY, please invite Harley to an archery lesson with me and Peter tomorrow. Thanks!”

“Message is sent.”

“And now we wait.”

And they didn’t have to wait long.

“Mr. Stark sends a message”, FRI’s voice echoed through the kitchen, “Harley and Peter are welcome to train with Barton, provided he be the target.”

“BAHAHAHA!” Peter burst out laughing.

“Pfff, I have half a mind to put an Ironmanpicture on a target disk…”

“Oh, if we do that, he’d definitely lock me out. And kick your ass for dragging me to the dark side…”

“Yeah, let’s maybe not do that then.”

“Got a comeback?”

“Of course! FRI, take my pic like that.” Clint pulled an arrow from his pocket. Sure, store them in your pants, whatever. He held it against his chest, a dramatic expression on his face. “Send it to Stark with the caption ‘you mean like this’, please.”

“It is sent.”

“Thank you!”

“Yes, that’s exactly what I pictured”, came Mr. Stark’s answer, “please clean up any and all blood and if you have to die, please do so outside, so the rain can take care of the mess. Peter, if Barton is beyond all help, you’re welcome to join me and Harley tomorrow.”

“There you go, labtime with Daddy Stark.”

“That sounded weird coming from you.”

“Heard it as soon as I said it.” Clint pulled a grimace. “Can I just add one more, though? Kinda hate losing out to Stark…”

“What do you need?”

“Ketchup. And lots of it!”

Two minutes later they had the picture ready of Peter on the floor, covered in ketchup and arrows.

“As soon as we send this, we better run.”

“You better run!”, Peter laughed

“Mhm. Can I maybe hide at your place tonight?”

“You’ll have to explain my ketchupy shirt to my aunt, though.”

“Ouh.” Clint’s face dropped. “I think I’ll take my chances with Stark.”

“Good choice”, Peter agreed.

“Alright, here goes nothing. FRI, please cap the pic: ‘not sure Peter’ll make it, but I’m free for labtime!’ and please send it to Stark, please!”

“It is sent.”

“Peter, run home, I’ll hide out in Nat’s room, that’s our best shot.”

“Agreed. Thanks Clint for today. Was good advice and hella fun. And maybe we can do that archery lesson soon?”

“If Tony let’s me live, I’d love nothing more!”

.

**Tony: **I hope for your and especially Clint’s sake that this is a) only ketchup and b) not on the kitchenfloor

**Peter: **Like Clint would ever hurt me 😉

**Tony: **Yeah… But seriously, Harley and I’d really like it if you joined us tomorrow

**Tony: **You two’ll get along great

**Peter: **That’s what I thought 😊

**Tony: **I have just one question.

**Peter: **Shoot

**Tony: **Are you alright?

**Peter:** Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?

**Tony: **Just wondered… Hunk-A-Hulk stock is getting low…

**Peter: **I’m fine, really!

**Tony: **Good.

**Tony: **As long as you know that there is no need to be jealous or anything.

**Peter: **I know 😊

**Tony: ** Good. Then off to bed you go, and I’ll see you in the lab tomorrow

**Peter: **Even if I scheduled an archery class with Clint?

**Tony: **Barton is grounded, keep pushing and I’ll ground you, too!

**Peter: **If you ground us together, we can still practice 😊

**Tony: **And you’re locked out of the lab

**Peter: **Right, ‘cause FRI would ever deny me access

**Peter: **Remember, your AI likes me more than you… 😉

**Tony**: And that’s why I have to dye my hair

**Peter: **love you, too, Mr. Stark! <3


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place a few weeks after the first chapter

“Incoming call from Mr. Stark.”

“Thanks KAREN, can you put him through?”

Peter was currently sitting on a rooftop, dangling his feet, looking for crime to stop.

“Spider-Man!”

“Hey Mr. Stark.”

“Successful patrol?”

“Yeah, I’d say so. Not a lot has happened but that’s a good thing, isn’t it?”

“Definitely!”, the man laughed. “Anyways, I wanted to ask, if you have plans this weekend.”

“None than I can think of. Why? Is there a mission?”, he yelled excitedly.

“No, so calm down. Harley’s spending the weekend.”

“That’s just as good! Yeah, I’ll be there, definitely!”

After their slight initial difficulties, Harley and Peter got on fantastically and they had so much fun together.

“Harley’ll be glad to hear that. Oh, Barton has offered once more to coach you both.”

“’Cause that went over so well last time”, Peter snickered.

“Whether we’ll have an engineering weekend or summer camp, Saturday is movie night, so you might want to get your aunt’s sleepover-ok.”

“With everyone?”

“Probably.”

“Good. Harley desperately wants to meet all of the guys and I can totally understand that.”

“Is he meeting everyone?”

“Mhm…” Mr. Stark’s question hung heavy in the air. It is not like he didn’t trust Harley, but he didn’t even tell Ned and MJ, they found out by accident…

“Maybe not quite everyone…”

“It’s your call. I’ll keep my mouth shut if it’s what you want.”

“Thanks, I appreciate it.”

“Alright then, let me get you back to crime-fighting. Feel free to send me an update when you swing home.”

“Will do!”

“Great, talk to you later!”

“Call ended.”

“Thanks, KAREN!”

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Finally, it was Stark-Avengers-New-York-weekend again! And a super special one at that: Tony, Peter and Harley would have a movie night with the Avengers! He’d finally meet Black Widow and Thor and Captain America!

And they’d just hang. No biggie, right? Just a casual movie night with the Avengers, totally everyday business.

But Harley had to push all the excitement way down. First of all, he wanted to look at least a little cool in front of Tony and the superheroes. And secondly and most importantly, it was absolutely integral to his Spidey-identity-extraction-plan to get on a comfortably casual level with them. Tony would never slip up if they couldn’t discuss the heroes in a calm, collected manner, like Tony and Peter talked about them! No alter egos, just everybody’s first names, sometimes even nicknames! That’s where he had to get his and Tony’s banter.

Last time he managed to successfully cross 23 steps off his plan. Thanks to the movie nights he should actually be able to move along a lot faster. If things went according to the new and updated plan, Harley might actually be able to clear the next 38 steps, bringing him to 61, which meant that on his next visit, Tony should be ready to slip up!

“Yo, Harley, you still with us?” A cloth flew into his face and brought him back to the real world.

“Sorry, was a little lost in thoughts…” He chucked the piece of cloth back at Peter, who just laughed.

“If you’re anxious about tonight, don’t be. Compared to me you’re holding up really well…”

“You almost fainted when you met Thor”, Tony remarked.

“Yeah, I wasn’t exactly cool about it…”, Peter admitted.

“You were not”, Tony agreed with a laugh, “it was absolutely delightful to watch.”

“But really, don’t sweat it.” Peter ignored Tony and locked eyes with Harley. “They are a lot more chilled and normal than you’d think. I mean, Thor loves reality TV, the Winter Soldier meticulously tends to the flowerbeds and Hawkeye sleeps with a teddy bear.”

“Really?” Harley wasn’t sure , which revelation shocked him most.

“Yeah”, Tony continued, “Captain America is a fan of boybands, Black Widow loves crossword puzzles and Vision makes the best cookies.”

“Oh yeah, they are so good! Even better than my aunts. Don’t tell her I said that!”

“Wouldn’t dream of it, kiddo”, Tony grinned. “You’d be disinherited before you know.”

Wow. That was a lot to process.

“Are we overwhelming you? We’re overwhelming him.”

“No, don’t worry, I… I’m good. Really. I’m looking forward to meet the Avengers tonight and I think I’ll just let myself be surprised.”

“Good attitude.”

(Step 26: Refuse Spoilers)

“I mean, you already met the best Avenger…”, Tony grinned.

“No, I’m pretty sure I haven’t met Spider-Man yet…” (Step 27: Remind Them, You Love Spidey)

Peter just giggled. “You know, you’re probably the first person to work with Ironman and be like zero impressed.”

“At least I still have Pete, who I can dazzle…”, Tony grumbled, “as long as Thor’s not around…”

“Yeah, sorry… He is a god after all. But you know that you’re my favourite”, Peter smiled

“There you go, exactly what I wanted to hear!” Triumphantly, Tony cocked his head back and motioned to turn back to work.

“Cough, suck-up, cough!”

“Excuse me? Peter is totally 100% serious, aren’t you?”

Peter got bright red. “Of course, I am”, Peter stammered.

“Please, Tony, you’re his boss, of course he has to say that he likes you better than Thor or Spidey.” Harley knew that Peter really liked Tony, but it was fun to rile the mechanic up, to have a playfight.

And Tony knew exactly what Harley was getting on. “We are not having an Ironman versus Spider-Man discussion, mostly because I know from a pretty reliable source that Spider-Man would be nothing without me, so there’s really no contest there…”, he added with a smug and victorious grin.

Welp, looks like Step 28 failed… “You’re no fun and as if…”, Harley grumbled and dove back into the cable clutter he was working on.

“If it makes you feel any better, most of the Avengers like Spidey better, too”, Peter grinned.

“Oh really?”

“Maybe they do. He is still a real pain in my ass though…”, Tony grunted.

Would you look at that, step 28 did work out after all, sort of at least. And knowing that the Avengers preferred Spider-Man, well, that made for quite the promising prospect…

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

“Do you think you can manage a movie night without hanging upside down the ceiling?”, Tony murmured, when he and Peter were alone for a moment.

“Yeah, I’ll be fine”, Peter nodded. “As long as no one blabs…”

“Ah, it’ll be alright. Like you said, they all love Spidey so much, they’ll respect his wishes and can keep their mouth shut.”

“Yeah, they do. I love you guys, too, you know.” Peter glinted up at Tony, doing that adorable scrunchie-thing with his nose and Tony’s heart just melted.

“Damnit, Peter, I have a reputation”, he sighed.

“Please, everyone in this building knows, that inside that iron shell is a big, warm-hearted softie”, Peter smiled.

“The mechanic is a softie? I hadn’t noticed.” Harley walked back into the workshop. “I mean he spends his free time tutoring two teenagers how to engineer, has movie nights with them and oh yeah, regularly saves the world. No idea where you’d get the idea, he isn’t an absolute asshole.” Grinning from ear to ear, the boy winked, before disappearing between metal, wires and gears.

“Alright, that’s enough brownnosing and whatnots. Back to engineering, everybody!”

Peter looked up from the circuit he was working on. “You do realize that you’re the only one not doing anything, right?”

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

“What the actual fuck are you wearing?” As the trio walked into the living room, they saw Hawkeye sitting on a couch, from head to toe in his own merch.

“You look ridiculous”, Bruce agreed, who walked in just behind them.

“Nat said ‘Avengers theme’, since Harley’s meeting everyone!”

“And you look absolutely fantastic!”, she laughed, “I’m surprised though they have Hawkeye merch in your size… Hey, you must be Harley. I’m Natasha, it’s nice to meet you!”

“Uhm, hi, yes, hello, Natasha, I’m Harley.” Harley got all flustered but tried to play it cool. Impressively so, Peter had to admit.

“Did you tell anyone else that it was a motto party?”, Tony grinned.

“Only Clint. And maybe Thor, Steve and Bucky, but that’s all.”

“Because Rhodey, Vision and Wanda wouldn’t fall for it?”

“Maybe”, Nat grinned back at Peter.

“So, they will also be coming in, looking like we collectively threw up on them?”

“I sure hope so.”

“Nat, you absolute… horrible person, you!” Steve and Bucky walked in, Steve in a Hulk onesie and Bucky in what was probably the worst Captain America costume he could find.

“Oh my god!”, Tony wheezed, “you tell them it’s furries or what?”

“What is a furry?”, Bucky asked.

“Nothing you missed out on, believe me.”

“Mhm.” Bruce walked up to Steve and looked him up and down. “I’m really not sure if I should feel honoured or insulted…” Bruce definitely looked like he questioned all his life choices.

“Anyways, I’m Steve.”

“And I’m Bucky. It’s Harley, right?” The two went on to shake Harley’s hand who got more and more overwhelmed, by the looks of it at least. “Uhm, hi, Harley, yes, that’s me. Hello!”, he giggled nervously.

“Who’s on snacks?”, Clint interrupted.

“The magic computer.”

“You have a magic computer?” Harley’s face dropped in astonishment.

“No. Well, kinda? It’s our shipname for Wanda and Vision.”

“It’s not an accurate name, though.” Arms full of chips, popcorn, chocolates and gummy worms, Vision and Wanda walked into the living room.

“Great, then all we’re missing is the god of thunder.”

And he did let them wait a while, time that was used by everyone getting to know Harley, asking and answering question. Peter had to admit that Harley’s questions were a lot more intelligent than his were the first time he met everybody. Half an hour into the meeting, Peter was still hyperventilating, his voice pitched at about two octaves higher than normal and instead of asking questions or giving the Avengers time to answer them, he fanboyed over them and everything they had done.

Harley did incredibly well. Peter could see the anxiety rushing through him, but he managed to overplay it and seem almost casual around everybody. All in all, Peter was impressed.

“So, he’s handling this all a little differently than you did…”, Mr. Stark remarked with a grin as he sat down next to him.

“Harley is meeting you all under slightly different circumstances than me.”

“But that’s the thing, you met most of us in a more or less professional setting and still managed to outfanboy Scott…”

“Right, because Germany was so professional”, Peter whispered back, his eyebrow raised.

“I said more or less”, Tony defended himself. “Besides, you still call Steve Mr. America…”

“Habits die hard”, Peter shrugged. “It is nice though, not to be the newbie for once.”

“Come on, you’d miss it in the long run. Admit it, you like the attention.”

“I don’t like being nannied, though…”

“Sorry kid, we’re not gonna stop that.” To proof his point, Mr. Stark ruffled his hair.

“Well”, Peter shrugged ,”dare to dream…”

“My friends, I am terribly sorry for my tardiness!” The door flew open and Thor walked in, wearing a Hulk shirt that was several sizes to small, looking like a skin-tight crop top, yoga pants with the Avengers logo and American flag fuzzy socks. “Please excuse it, it took me so long to find the outfit.”

“And you look incredible. Thor, meet Harley.”

“Harley, it’s a true pleasure to meet you. Stark has told me about your intelligence and skill with the engineer’s tools.”

“Hiiiiiiii!”, Harley squealed, shaking and beaming with excitement. Alright, there was the fanboy outbreak, Peter had been hoping for.

“Why is everyone always so freaked when meeting Thor?”, Tony pouted.

“I have to assume that it is my wardrobe. I am truly disappointed to see that most of you have not honoured our theme.”

Oh, Peter could not have an upset god of thunder! And he had enough merch in his room to join in and make it up to him. “Thor, I am so sorry, but Nat didn’t tell us! But I think I might have something in my room. Harley, we’re roughly the same size, so if you want…”

“Playing dress-up with the Avengers? Hell yeah!”

.

“Big props.”

“For what?”

“For how you’re handling yourself.” Peter rummaged through his closet. “Seriously, so much better than I did.” He turned back around, an arm full of clothes, which he dropped next to Harley on the bed. “I’m guessing you want to go Spider-Man?”

“How’d you get that idea?”, Harley grinned, already holding one of the Spidey shirts in his hands.

Looking through the bunch of clothes, Peter had to admit, he really had a lot of merch of himself…

A few minutes later they walked back down, Harley from head to toe in all the Spider-Man merch available, Peter in a Black Widow shirt, Captain America pants, Hulk slippers and wrapped in an Ironman blanket.

“Boys, you look fantastic!”, Thor laughed.

“Wow, Peter, you really have a lot of Spider-Man merch…”, Tony remarked drily, everyone just chuckled quietly.

“Well, he is the best Avenger…”, Harley stated.

“You know, kid”, Steve laughed, “there is not a single person in this room who would argue that.” He shot Peter a quick smile and Peter just wanted to squeal, hug everybody and cry some love confessions. But man, keeping his identity to himself around the guys was really hard!

Normally, he would already hang upside down the ceiling, even though Mr. Stark really didn’t like it because a) footprints on the ceiling that were so damn hard to clean and b) he was worried Peter would fall. But it was just so natural and comfortable for him up there!

Maybe he should just tell Harley and get all this nonsense over with. But having a secret identity meant keeping it secret. He literally never told anybody about his powers! Mr. Stark tracked him down from a YouTube video, Ned and Aunt May walked in on him in the suit and MJ just figured it out. And to them it would be really unfair, if Peter told someone he didn’t even know all that well. That settled it; it was a secret identity for a reason and that should remain.

It did bring another problem with it. There was a seating order, which wasn’t the written law but everyone stuck to it: Vision and Wanda shared the loveseat; Bucky, Steve, Nat and Clint were piled on one couch; Tony and Rhodey on the two-seater, with Pepper squeezed in when she joined, and Thor, Bruce and, when he joined, Loki shared the last couch. Today, Harley took Loki’s spot, and was thrilled to sit beside the god of thunder. But for Peter there was simply no room!

The others realized the same thing too and, in an awkward moment, everyone looked around.

“Tony, is Pepper joining us today?”, Steve asked, a grin on his face.

“No, not today. Why?”

“Well, her place is the last available one”, a smirking Nat explained.

“Wait, where is her place?”, Harley asked, clearly confused why everybody started to giggle.

Tony ignored the question and locked eyes with Peter, who didn’t really want to sit on his lap, though it would be a little funny. Mr. Stark seemed to think the same thing… He would definitely not argue if Peter cuddled it up with him, but would also agree that it’d take things a little far.

Eventually, Peter just dropped on the floor in the middle of the room and wrapped his Ironman blanket around himself. “Mr. America, the place on Mr. Stark’s lap is still up for grabs, if you want.”

“No, it’s not!”, Tony called.

“Alright then, FRI, it’s time for Agent 007!”

While the opening sequence rolled over the screen, a bunch of pillows, Harley and Clint dropped down around him. “Looked comfy down here”, Clint grinned and, hugging a pillow, lay flat on his stomach.

“What he said”, Harley giggled, putting a bowl of popcorn and chips in their middle.

And, by the end of the movie, more Avengers were huddled on the floor than were sitting on the couches.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

“That was so awesome!” It was late, Harley was tired, but he just could not calm down. He and Peter lay on a couch each after they decided that a proper movie night deserved a sleep-over. The grown-ups left the boys to themselves, which was probably good; Harley did not need any more reasons to be riled up.

“Yeah, they really like you”, Peter yawned.

“And man, they adore you”, Harley answered. He turned on his stomach, looking over to Peter.

“Well, I adore them, too.” Peter turned to face Harley, a soft smile on his face. “They’re my family. My totally weird and enhanced super-family. I trust these guys with my life, and not just because they’re the Avengers, it’s because… I don’t know, they’re my home.”

“Wow.” Harley rolled on his back again and stared at the ceiling. That sounded super amazing.

“And from the looks of it, everybody is ready to adopt you, too!”

“You really think so?” Harley doubted that. They just met him!

“I do.” Peter sounded earnest, he really meant it. “Tony Stark-recruit’s honour”, he giggled.

“Cool.”

“And, you know the best part?”

“No?”

“I mean, these guys are so amazing, but it really is cool to have someone my age in here.”

“That I believe”, Harley snickered, “I mean, some of them already hit triple and quadruple digits! That’s quite the age difference.”

“Exactly.” Peter yawned again, before continuing. “It’s cool to have all these aunties and uncles. But it’s just as awesome to have a brother.”

Oh wow. “Really?”

“Really. Now I’d say we hug it out in the morning because if I know Mr. Stark, he’s gonna wake us extra early, so I could do with some sleep.”

“Oh my god. Does that make Tony our dad?”

He heard a tired giggle from the other couch. “Maybe. Greet him with ‘Daddy’ tomorrow morning and you’ll have your answer.”

“Alright”, Harley grinned.

“I have a message from Mr. Stark.” FRIDAY’s voice echoed through the big living room. Man, Harley really wasn’t used to that yet… “He reminds you that it is way past your bedtime, and he will not hesitate to lock you in different rooms if your babbling doesn’t stop.”

Peter started laughing, Harley joined in. “Man, I don’t know about you, but that is total dad-shit right there.”

“FRI”, Peter answered, “please respond: ‘but daaad, you haven’t told us a story yet! And no good-night kisses!’”

“Message delivered”

“Thanks FRI!”

“Wow, you’re all go big or go home”, Harley admitted impressed.

“Well, probably the tiredness acting… That, and it’s become a reflex of mine around Mr. Stark, to react with as much sass as I possibly can muster up.”

“I don’t doubt that for a second.” That was definitely a side-effect of spending time with the mechanic, all that sarcasm and snark rubbed off.

“Trust me, it’s a survival instinct by now”, Peter snickered.

“Once upon a time there was a knight in a shining red and gold armour.” Tony’s voice took both of them by surprise, Harley turned to see him walk in and towards their couches. “This knight had two young squires, who were an absolute pain in his ass.”

“Mostly, because they did not do as they were told, which forced the knight out of his comfortable bed, out of his stunning fiancée’s embrace and down here, because they wouldn’t shut up.”

Harley glanced over at Peter, who looked back at him, a wide grin on his face.

“So, the knight begrudgingly gave in to their ridiculous demands.” Tony stood in between their couches, a ratty old MIT shirt on and some yoga pants that have seen better days, his arms crossed, and an eyebrow raised. Oh, that was his ‘challenge accepted’-look, things were about to get interesting.

“First, the knight reminded the two squires that he had the power of hire, fire or drop their butts out on the street, especially with his special armours blasters.”

Peter quietly giggled, Harley bit down a laugh himself.

“But the knight was a noble man of great honour and, even though the squires were the reason he had to dye his hair, they were very dear to his heart.”

Tony walked up to Harley’s couch, tousled his hair and pressed a gentle kiss on his forehead. Oh my god, he actually gave him a foreheadkiss!

His mouth gaping open, he watched as the mechanic walked over to Peter, softly stroking his hair and kissing his cheek.

“Good night you two.” With the softest smile, Tony turned around and walked towards the door. “I’ll see you two squires in the morning.”

“Good night, dad!”, they called back in unison.

With that, the mechanic turned around, switched off the lights and closed the door behind himself.

The two lay on their couches in complete silence. It was meant as a joke, from them as much as from Tony, but still it felt so real. Wow.

“Good night, brother.”

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

“Harley, it was as always fantastic to have you here!” Tony put Harley’s bag in the trunk of the car.

“Yeah, it was really cool.” Harley smiled back at him.

“Agreed!” Peter leaned against the car, grinning from ear to ear. “I do have one suggestion to make, though.”

“Oh, I’m not gonna like this, am I?” The mechanic’s expression was somewhere between fear and annoyance.

“I just think that next time Harley’s here, we need Ned and Shuri for the complete engineers-set.”

“Oh god!” Tony dropped his head in his hands, groaning in exasperation. “You four are welcome to team up but not in my lab. I am not going to do that to myself.”

“Ned’s your friend, right? And who is Shuri?”

“Exactly. Shuri is the Princess of Wakanda, little sister of The Black Panther, King T’Challa, smartest person ever.”

“Hey!”, Tony grunted insulted.

“Don’t mind him”, Peter grinned, “I’ll hit the two of them up and get it sorted.”

“That sounds like a fun plan!”, Harley smiled back, “but good to know… Meeting an actual princess… Yeah, I’ll better prepare myself for that…”

“Fortunately for you, Ned is a giant fanboy himself, so you won’t stand out that much.”

“Good to know”, Harley sighed, exaggeratedly relieved.

“Alright, boys, I’d like to get going, if you’re late your aunt’s gonna take it out on me”, Happy urged them.

Right, Happy was dating Peter’s aunt.

“And that is our issue because…?” Challenging, Peter raised his eyebrows and shot Happy a grin.

“Because”, the man answered, with an equally provocative smile on his face, “if you don’t get a move on, I will tell you everything about our last date and yes, I mean Every. Little. Detail.”

Peter’s expression dropped and Harley heard Tony snort a laugh.

“Alright then, what are we waiting for?” Panicky, Peter headed for the car door. “See you ‘round, Mr. Stark!”, he yelled and disappeared in the car.

“Works every single time”, Happy grinned. “Boss, I’ll see you tomorrow.” With a wink, Happy got into the car.

“Alright, kid”, Tony laughed, “like I said, was awesome to have you here.”

“Thank you for everything! I had the best weekend”, Harley beamed.

“I’m glad. So did the other guys by the way, they really like you.”

“Awesome!”

“HARLEY! GET YOUR BUTT IN HERE!”, Peter yelled from the car.

“Yeah, you might want to get going…”, Tony chuckled.

“I think so, too…” Harley went in for a hug and Tony’s arms wrapped themselves around his shoulders, pulling him close.

“Take care of yourself, alright? And if you need anything, you know how to reach me.”

“Thanks, Tony.”

“I’ll see you soon!”

.

And another great weekend at the Avenger’s mansion ended. No, not just great, it was absolutely amazing, fantastic, incredible, wonderful… Harley ran out of adjectives to describe the remarkable time he’s had; well, language was never his strong suit…

He and Peter became really good friends, him calling Harley ‘like a brother’ was so incredible! Same with the Avengers, getting to know them was completely bonkers but so fantastic!

And, having crossed off Step 63 (Get in on an inside joke with the Avengers), even his Spidey-Identity-Extraction-Plan was on the best way he could have imagined!

Only problem: How was he going to get through the next weeks until he finally got to visit them all again?


	3. Chapter 3

_Keep calm, you’ve been here before, just relax!_ As often as Ned repeated his little mantra, it didn’t really help. Sure, Peter brought him along to the compound a couple of times, but he couldn’t help but be incredibly excited and overwhelmed at the thought!

“Come on, Ned! Technically, Harley is the new kid, so you should be a lot cooler than that.”

“That’s easy for you to say”, Ned hissed back, “you’re Spider-Man after all!”

“And you’re The Guy In A Chair!”

“We both know that that’s not as badass…”

“We’re not talking about badass here”, Peter explained, “we’re talking… Man, I don’t know! Just relax, it’ll be fun.”

“If you say so…” Ned took a last deep breath and followed Peter into the building.

“Hello Peter, hello Ned, it is nice to see you!”, FRIDAY greeted them.

“Hello FRIDAY, it is also nice to see… well, to hear you”, Ned answered, looking around the room. He still didn’t quite get how all of that worked, but he got better; at least that’s what he talked himself into believing.

“Hey, FRI.” Peter was completely calm, like talking to an AI was an everyday experience. But then again, for Peter it was exactly that. “Are Mr. Stark or Harley around yet?”

“Mr. Stark is still in a meeting and Happy is currently on his way to fetch Harley.”

“Alright, thanks!”

“Ok, so now?” Ned felt as though he was ordered but never picked up.

“Oh, I have an idea!” Peter’s eyes lit up. “But Mr. Stark is not going to like it…”, he grinned, almost deviously. “FRI, is Clint around?”

“Yes”, came the answer, “he is in the living room.”

“Perfect!” Peter grabbed Ned’s hand and pulled him along.

“Hey, Clint, you busy?”

“Peter! For you, I’m always free”, Mr. Hawkeye grinned. “Ned, so good to see you! Peter should bring you here more often.”

“Hi!” It was all, Ned managed to squeal. Mr. Hawkeye remembered him! Like WHAT?

“Pull it together, man!”, Peter hissed, before he turned back to the man. “So, I was thinking, we should finally do that archery lesson!”

“Oh, absolutely!” Mr. Hawkeye’s eyes lit up as a smile spread over his face. “I’ll get my bow and arrows and meet you guys outside on the lawn.”

Only a few minutes later, he joined the two boys, a giant bow in one hand and a quiver of bows in the other.

“I decided against using an Ironman picture for a target and for beginners it is easier to try and hit a tree anyways.”

“Good idea”, Peter laughed.

The time flew by and, even though he didn’t usually toot his own horn like that, but Ned was pretty good. Almost better than Peter.

“You boys are doing well! Damnit, as soon as Stark sees that, I’ll be off the team and Ned’ll be the new Hawkeye…”

“Well, maybe I want to be an Avenger, too?”

They turned around to see where the strange voice came from. It was a boy, around Peter and Ned’s age. That must be Harley.

“Harley! So good to see you, man!”

“Hey Pete, Clint! I missed you guys!” Harley walked up to Peter and gave him a hug, before he turned to Ned. “You must be Ned.”

“That’s me”, Ned smiled, “really nice to finally meet you.”

“Yeah, you too!”

Clint walked up and patted Harley on the shoulder. “Your turn then, Keener!”

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

_‘When I find myself in times of trouble, Mother Mary comes to me, speaking words of wisdom: Let it beeeeeeeee!’_

Tony had given up on trying to pay attention as soon as Happy put his head through the door, signing to him that Harley was here now. It must have been the fourteenth time, he got through ‘Let it be’, when the board meeting closed and Tony got to leave and head out to the garden, where, according to his AI, the boys were practicing archery.

Clint finally got his lesson, kudos to him for that.

He heard the four of them before he got close, what he could make out pointed towards a competition. If that competition included hitting an Ironman-target, Clint better ran. Fast.

As he turned the corner, Tony saw – to Clint’s benefit – that they were merely skewering a tree. Focused on their game, they didn’t even see Tony watching them.

Damn, Ned was a good archer! And definitely better than the other two. It looked like as long as it didn’t involve potatoes or webs, neither Peter nor Harley were too good at aiming…

“And that’s it – Ned is the winner! Congratulations, kid, fantastic job!”, Clint yelled with his best announcer’s voice.

“BAM!” Ned was grinning from ear to ear, beaming with pride for having beaten out Spider-Man.

“Congrats, Ned! Keep going like that and we got ourselves a new Hawkeye!”, Tony laughed, as he walked up to them.

“Come on, Stark, you’re just trying to kick out all the jocks and fill the Avengers with nerds like you”, Clint pouted.

“If you consider yourself to be a jock…”, he shot back with a grin, before turning his attention to the boys. “It is good to see you.” He wrapped an arm around Harley. “Had a good travel?”

“Yeah”, the teen grinned up.

“Good. It’s about time you’re back here! Same goes for you, Ned.”

“Hi Mr. Stark”, he giggled. Man, given that his best friend was Spider-Man, he was really still a major superhero-fanboy.

“But it seems like I just can’t get rid of you.” Tony turned to Peter, shot him the widest grin.

“That’s because you’d crash and burn without me, remember?”, Peter shot back, grinning just as wide.

“Keep telling yourself that.”

“I don’t have to, Pepper, Rhodey and Happy regularly keep reminding me. Not that I’d ever forget”, he answered, the cheekiest grin on his face.

“Whatever”, Tony grumbled. Of course, Peter was right. Tony’d be completely lost without that kid, plain and simple. He knew it, the kid knew it, the other Avengers knew it…

“Alright, Stark, they are all yours.” Clint winked at the teens and collected his arrows. “Here, Pete”, he whispered and handed Peter one of them, “I have a feeling you might need that today…”

“No weapons in my lab!”

“Except for the once we’re building?”, Harley countered.

Damnit, they were extra sassy today.

“Good luck!”, Clint laughed.

.

“So, does everybody just bring their project and hopes that I will fix it?” Tony looked around the lab: Harley had his potato gun on one table, Peter and Ned worked on their project for the science fair.

“What is that supposed to be when it’s done?” Harley had no idea, what the two were planning on creating, all they had on their table were piles of cables, metal and whatnots.

“Well, Mr. Stark, I believe four people working on the gun is a little overkill and Harley, we’ll see, now won’t we?” Peter shot him a grin, and went back to sorting the stuff in front of him.

“Come on, you’re seriously not going to tell me?”

“They didn’t even tell me”, Tony pouted, “but still want my materials and help…”

“No, no”, Peter shot back, “you offered all that. So, don’t turn it around on us.”

“Hmpf”, came the grumbled response.

“There are way too many secrets in this lab…”

“What kind of secrets?” Ned looked up, all intrigued.

“They don’t want to tell me who Spider-Man is!”

“Oh.” Ned’s face dropped and he looked between Tony and Peter. “You know, they never told me either.”

(Step 75: Find An Ally!)

“At least I’m not alone in here…”

Having an ally in here was perfect! Ned not knowing was just what Harley’s plan needed, not just an ally, but maybe even a co-conspirator? He never planned on revealing his plan to anyone, but maybe it was just the right thing to do!

“You’re never gonna drop this, are you?”, Tony moaned.

“Never! And if it’s the last thing I do, I will find out, who he is!”

“Wow, you weren’t lying, he really is a bigger Spidey-fan than Eugene!”

“As long as Flash never joins our lab-time…” Peter rolled his eyes.

“Who is Flash?”, Harley asked.

“The worst child in the history of children”, Tony grumbled.

“Sorry I asked…” Harley pulled an apologetic grimace.

“Just some bully, Mr. Stark is just a little… well…”

“Overprotective?”, Ned suggested.

“Oh yeah, worrying about the child that bullies my Pete makes me overprotective”, Tony scoffed.

“My Pete?”

Looking around, Harley saw Ned and Peter being just as surprised by that.

“I said what I said”, he stated clearly, locking eyes with Peter. “And I suggest we get to work now. You two get to keep your secrets from me and Harley, and you show me what you improved since you were here last.”

And just like that, time flew by. It was so much fun.

“Oh yes!” Eventually, Harley recognized, what Peter and Ned were working on. “You’re making R2D2? That’s so cool!”

“I know”, Ned squealed.

“We’re so going to win this shit!”, Peter grinned. “We do need Bucky’s help though, his ‘beep beep’ really sounds like in the movie.”

“What, and you get Nat to dress up as Leia for the ‘safe me, Obi Wan’ hologram?”, Tony snorted.

“I hadn’t thought of that!” Peter’s eyes lit up and with the brightest smile he turned to Ned.

“Do you really think, she’d say yes?”, he asked, just as excited.

“Asking’s for free, right?”

“Please let me be there when you do ask her”, Harley grinned, “I really want to see it.”

“We’ll ask tonight.”

“Oh, apropos tonight: is there a motto for dressing up?”

The mechanic just shrugged. “I don’t know of any theme. Maybe Nat started something again?”

“FRI, can you ask her?”

“I am asking her.”

“Thanks!”, Peter smiled at the security camera.

“Aren’t you going to ask her to play dress-up?”

“Nah, I think we should do that face to face.”

“Because your puppy eyes don’t work via FRIDAY”, Tony commented.

“Maybe”, Peter admitted with a grin.

“Natasha sends an answer”, FRIDAY announced, “she told the rest that it will be a pyjama party, but no specific topic.”

“There you have it. Pete, you still got those Hello-Kitty-pants?”, Tony grinned, which Peter completely ignored.

“I think that’s a yes”, Ned giggled.

“Well, I’m looking forward to seeing you in that.”

.

“Harley, can you grab those cables over there?”

“Which ones?” Harley looked around, but couldn’t find what the mechanic wanted.

“Up there.” Tony pointed up at a shelf.

Yeah, that was definitely higher than Harley could reach. “I’ll climb right up.” He carefully stepped on a chair, which was a little wobbly for Harley’s taste.

“Dude, you’re a billionaire, I’d think you could afford better furniture”, he scoffed at Tony, who just snorted an unintelligible response.

Whatever. He reached up, to get the cables, shaking a bit, a bit too much and before he could grab hold on the shelf, Harley fell back.

“AAAAAAAAH!” That was probably him screaming, he wasn’t sure though, because instead of hitting the ground, he just hung. Mid-air. What the fuck?

“Shit, Harley, are you alright?”

“WHAT IS GOING ON?” Harley managed to turn a bit to see Tony and Ned staring up at him in shock. “SERIOUSLY, WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?”, he yelled, a little panicky.

Slowly, he was lowered to the ground. As soon as Harley was back on terra firma, he looked around and could not believe his eyes: Peter was on the ceiling, from where he lowered him on a web.

“You… you…” His chin was probably on the floor, his thought whirling around his head.

“Harley, hey, are you alright?” Tony grabbed his shoulders.

“YOU’RE SPIDER-MAN!” It came out more as a shriek than a cry. Definitely higher pitched than he intended.

Peter jumped back down, a contrite smile on his face. “You ok?”

He only managed to squeal a string of frustrated and shocked sounds at Peter.

What. The. Fuck? Peter was Spider-Man. Peter was actually Spider-Man. They had to be kidding him.

“Listen Harley”, Tony tried to appease him, “it’s called a secret identity for a reason.”

“All this work, for nothing!”, Harley groaned. 93 steps. 93 meticulously planned steps. He put so much work, so much effort into his Spider-Man-Identity-Extraction-Plan!

“What work?”

“93 steps”, he grumbled, “93 perfectly planned steps to get you to slip up, to tell me who he is. I’m on step 81! And all that work for nothing! ARGH!”

“Wait, let me get this straight”, the mechanic furrowed his brows, “you’re not mad we never told you, you’re mad that you didn’t get to go through your plan?” An amused grin played over his lips.

“You have no idea how much effort I have put into this! I have been patient, really patient, for months! And all I would have needed to do was being a little clumsy? I could have done that the day I met you! Oh.” Harley remembered the first time he and Peter had met. “Oh god, you came in with a Spidey issue… I should have known!”

Harley wasn’t sure whether he was just flabbergasted or also a little embarrassed. “I really… I don’t know what to say… or think…”

“I know how you feel.” Sympathetically, Ned patted his arm. “When I found out I was a little…”

“Intense”, Peter finished his sentence.

“I wasn’t intense.”

“You asked me if I lay eggs!”, Peter yelled.

“Oh my god!” Tony snorted out a laugh, “that is a fantastic question, Ned!”

“I thought, they never told you?”

“They didn’t. I saw him climbing in through the window, crawl along the ceiling and all that in his Spidey outfit.”

“You’re really weird.” Harley couldn’t help but stare at Peter with wide eyes, it did take all he had to keep his mouth from gaping open.

“I know”, he shrugged, “brought me here, though, so I won’t complain.”

All that was just too much. Eventually they tried getting back to work, but Harley couldn’t get anything done. He tried his best, but focusing on a potatogun seemed just so… impossible! His friend, his Avenger brother, turned out to be Spider-Man!

And, as if nothing happened, Peter just joked with Ned as he built a R2D2 replica.

“Harley, if I keep doing all the work by myself, we’ve got to call it MY potatogun…” The mechanic ripped him back out of his spiralling thoughts.

“Sorry”, he mumbled.

“Don’t be.” Tony put his hand on Harley’s shoulder. “How about we take a break for now and you can let it all out?”

“Yes, Harley, just… hit me with all the questions, with everything you want to know.” Peter walked up, holding out his arms. “And don’t worry about it being stupid, or dumb.”

“Unless you ask him if he lays eggs. To which the answer is no, in case you were wondering”, Ned threw in.

“Ok… I… I don’t really know, man!”

“What was your plan for if your 93-step-plan thing had worked?”

“My Spidey-Identity-Extraction-Plan never took into calculation that I would actually know him, let alone be friends! This is all a little overwhelming…”

“What can I do?” Peter was right in front of him, looking all sincere, almost a little worried.

“How did you get over it?” Harley turned to Ned. “Got any advice?”

“Huh.” Ned looked completely taken aback. “I really don’t remember. How did I react?”

“Seriously?”, Peter laughed, “well, first you wanted to out me to the entire school, but after D.C. and we took down Liz’s dad, it wasn’t that big a deal anymore. You’re The Guy In A Chair, you’re part of team Spider-Man.”

“You’re The Guy In A Chair?” All these revelations made Harley almost dizzy. “That is so cool!”

“Really?” Ned smiled widely, “no one really cares about that.”

“Are you kidding me? The hero never gets shit done without him!”

“He’s right”, Peter agreed with him, “you helped me with that Alien bomb, you hacked the suit!”

“Which I did not appreciate, by the way”, Tony grumbled and shot Ned an angered glare.

“Mr. Stark, that’s your fault for calling it ‘training-wheels’ and ‘baby-monitor’”, Peter shot back.

“Damn, you’re like genius-smart!” Harley was completely amazed.

“Thanks”, Ned smiled, his ears getting red. He really wasn’t used to being praised, was he?

“Alright, I think I’m cool”, Harley decided after one last breath. “I just have one question.”

“Shoot.”

“Earlier, when you caught me, how did you do that so fast? You don’t have super-speed, do you?”

“No, unfortunately not. That’d be sweet though!”

“Oh, hell no! It’s bad enough you’re swinging into all sorts of trouble, don’t need you to do that á la Quicksilver”, Tony groaned.

“Anyways”, Peter turned back to him, “I kinda felt it was going to happen? I have this thing I call ‘Spidey-Sense’, kinda alerts me if something’s about to happen.”

“You have an early warning system?”

“Something like that, it’s like an instinct”, Peter snickered, “it was tingling earlier, I saw you on the chair and jumped in.”

“Damn”, Harley goggled, “that’s some cool shit.”

“Agreed!”

“So, you ready to get back to work?”, Tony asked.

“Yeah, I’m good. Let’s build some shit!”

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

“You’re really wearing the ‘Hello Kitty’ PJs?”, Ned laughed out loud, when he saw him.

“I think I look good.”, Peter shot back as the three teens walked to the living room.

“I have to say, wearing a Spidey one is only a little embarrassing, knowing that it’s you”, Harley admitted.

“I think it’s super flattering”, Peter beamed back.

“Don’t be embarrassed, Peter runs around in all the Avenger’s merch, especially his own, all the time.”

They walked into the living room and Peter jumped right on the ceiling. Thank god, Harley knew, Peter could take his favourite spot and hang right off the ceiling.

“The fuck?” Harley looked up at him.

Ned hadn’t even noticed; he was so used to it.

“I don’t know how to explain it, it just feels natural and comfortable up here.”

“To the rest of us it feels a little anxiety-inducing and don’t even get me started on the dirty ceilings…” Mr. Stark walked in. In a Spider-Man-PJ!

“Mr. Stark, you look fantastic!”, Peter squealed, lowering himself upside down, to take in the outfit. “You and Harley are matching!”

“Not bad, Keener”, Tony appreciated, before he dropped on his seat.

Ah, Mr. Stark wore his merch! Everybody was used to Peter running around in their merch, but seeing Mr. Stark like that… Peter could just squeal with excitement and pride. Which he did, admittedly.

“Oh, isn’t that adorable?” Nat walked in, smiling at Mr. Stark and grinning up at Peter. “I’m guessing Harley finally knows who his crush is.”

“I don’t have a crush on Spider-Man. Or Peter”, Harley protested.

“Of course, you don’t”, she winked.

“Nat, Ned and I have a favour to ask of you”, Peter changed the subject.

“Should I worry?” She sat underneath Peter, looking up.

“No, it’s not that… Maybe a little bit?”, he shrugged.

“Well, we are building an R2D2 bot for the science fair.”

“Oh, you should ask Bucky for the ‘beep bop’, he’s really good at that!”

“That is the plan”, Ned said, “we were just wondering whether you would be willing to, you know…”

“Wait.” She looked between the two. “Are you asking me to dress up as Princess Leia?”

Ned and Peter nodded. Peter felt himself getting a little flushed, trying to read her expression, but her poker face was too good.

“Sounds like fun”, she laughed eventually, “I am not putting on a gold bikini though.”

“Thank you so much!”, Peter squealed, “and no, we would never ever ask you to do something like that!”

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

“Does anybody hear that?”

They were halfway through ‘Toy Story 2’, when a weird sound startled Harley.

“That’s Peter”, Tony answered, completely deadpan and monotone. “He snores.”

“Huh?” Harley looked up to the ceiling, where Peter was fast asleep. “What the fuck?”

“He can sleep on the ceiling”, Ned explained, not taking his eyes of the screen.

Everybody was completely unperturbed, like that was an everyday occurrence.

“And he’s just fine up there?” He couldn’t take his eyes off him. “Doesn’t he fall or something?”

“Nah”, Bucky waved it off, “he is above a couch, so even if he drops, he’ll be fine.”

“Alright, you’re the pros…” Hesitantly, Harley turned his eyes back to the screen, but couldn’t help but regularly check up on Peter. He seemed fine up there, though. At least for almost two hours.

THUMP!

“WHAT IN ODIN’S NAME?”

Everybody startled when Thor cried out. With good reason: Peter, still asleep, had dropped off the ceiling and landed on his lap, where he snuggled against the god.

“See, Harley? He’s alright”, Bucky snickered.

“I’m not”, Thor grumbled, even though he had a smile on his face and carefully brushed Peter’s hair back.

“How is he still asleep?”

“Even if he’d crashed on the floor, he wouldn’t wake up”, Bruce scoffed.

A chuckle went through the round, except for Peter, he was still snoring softly.

“It’s a metabolism thing”, Tony eventually explained, “that kid eats for five and when he’s out he’s out.”

“You guys are so weird…”

“I think, that’s why you like us so much”, Nat grinned at him.

“Maybe”, he grinned back.

Not too long later, the end credits rolled over the screen.

“Toy Story is just such a beautiful trilogy”, Ned sniffled. Harley cried, too, during the movie, though Ned probably broke a few used tissue records. Well, he tied with the Winter Soldier.

“You’re right!”, Bucky choked, “I am so glad I’ve finally seen them!” He wiped the tears off his cheeks.

“Wow, you cried even more than during Dumbo…”, Steve remarked.

“They locked up his mum! And then he visits her, and she rocked him on his trunk…”, Bucky sobbed, as tears were filling his eyes again.

“Barnes, listen, your emotions are totally legit, and we are all here for you, but maybe don’t wake up Pete?”, Tony suggested.

“Sorry”, he sniffled.

“Friends, do you think I will be able to retire ?”, Thor whispered his question, while gently smiling down on Peter, who was still snuggled up on his lap.

“Maybe”, Clint shrugged, “but I doubt you’ll get rid of Peter.”

“That is not so unpleasant a detriment”, Thor smiled.

“Mr. Thor, will you stay here, with Harley and me?”

“Oh, that’s also such a sad movie!”, Bucky sobbed again.

“Oh my god!” Nat rolled her eyes, “Dude. A) that movie is called ‘Marley and me’ and b) I swear to who ever will listen: pull yourself together or I’ll hit you with one of Clint’s knock-out-arrows.”

“I’m sorry”, he wept.

“Alright, Buck, time for bed, you jerk.” Steve got up, pulled Bucky to his feet and pushed him out the door. “Goodnight, you all.”

“Ned, I am a little terrified to move, so I will stay here, yes. If you boys are ok with that.”

“Of course!”, Harley beamed. Not only would they have a sleep-over with Spider-Man but also with Thor!

“Ok, we’ll leave you kids to it, then.” One after the other, the Avengers filed out the living room, until it was only Harley, Ned, Thor, Peter and Tony.

“Well, I will go to bed myself. I’ll see you in the morning.” Tony got up and headed for the door.

“Wait, don’t we get a bedtime story? Or a good-night-kiss?”, Harley grinned, “We did last time…”

Tony just shook his head. “I will leave the bedtime story to Thor.” He walked back towards the couches. “Have a good night.” He leaned over and gave him a peck on the forehead.

“Sweet dreams”, Tony walked over and put a careful kiss on Ned’s forehead.

“And don’t let the bedbugs bite.” Lastly, he gave Peter a kiss, too.

“Point Break, sleep well, too. You can manage without a snog, I presume?”

“Thank you, friend Stark. Though I would not deny your affections”, he smirked.

“Oh, you got to be fucking kidding me”, the mechanic mumbled under his breath, but still, he leaned over and gave Thor a peck on the cheek. “Happy now?”

“I truly am”, Thor smiled, “Pepper is a very lucky woman.”

“Yeah, she is.” With that Tony turned around and walked out of the door. “Good night, everybody!”

“Goodnight, Tony!”

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Thor looked around the dark room: Harley hung halfway off the couch in a position that could hardly be comfortable; between cushions and blankets, he could barely make out Ned; and Peter was still curled on his lap.

After a story about him and Loki playing a prank on their father, Ned and Harley finally fell asleep. They were rather exhausted, understandably so, their day was filled with plenty of excitement, revelations and Thor would be tired, too.

He would have dozed of as well, were it not for the sharp elbow pressing into his thigh, which was just a tad uncomfortable.

But still, having Peter sleeping cuddled against him felt wonderful. It reminded Thor of an ancient earth wisdom the Spiderling had taught him: If an animal falls asleep on your lap, you may not move, lest you were to stir it. He furthermore taught him what an honour it is to have a pet choose you for their resting place.

Now, the Spiderchild was not his pet, but Thor felt just as grateful.

As he was about being invited to join the boys for a sleep-over. It probably had to do with the fact that Thor was unable to leave them be anyways, he was however convinced that the boys truly liked having him there.

It was an almost bizarre situation: ever since Stark had introduced the Avengers to Peter, well, Thor could only speak for himself, but he had engrained himself deeply in the god’s heart. Given that everybody was constantly involved in a low-key competition to be his favourite, he assumed they felt the same.

Well, second favourite. Nobody dared to take Tony’s place as Peter’s mentor and father figure, out of respect for their friend and pure fear of his retaliation. Being second to Tony was completely fine for everybody though and felt like the holy grail of Avengers-honours.

The same principle applied to Peter’s friends. Now, Natasha had claimed mentorship for MJ, which was a match made in heaven.

Ned was fantastically smart, just as interested in science as Peter, and so spending a lot of time with the sciency Avengers, too.

Now Harley, like Peter, was the protégé of Tony and his absolute favourite was Spider-Man, so only the third place was up for grabs. Having been asked to join their sleepover should probably get Thor the bronze medal.

“I don’t think so, bitch!” Peter’s sudden mumbling took Thor by surprise, he almost jumped up in shock.

“Peter?”, he quietly whispered, “are you alright?”

“It’s the squirrel”, he hissed, “it can’t do that!”

“Do what?” Thor was totally perturbed by the child’s blabber.

“It’s not right…”, he sighed, “it’s just not right.”

And with that, the boy went quiet again, except for some soft snoring.

“I hope, you’ll remember your dream tomorrow”, Thor whispered, chuckling quietly, “I would truly like to know what the squirrel has done.”

.

Thor was woken up by the smell of coffee and the weight on his lap shifting. Glinting through his eyes, he saw Stark standing in the living room, two cups of coffee in his hands.

“Morning, Point Break. Coffee?” Tony held a cup out to him, a smile on his face.

“Thank you, friend.” Gratefully, he grabbed it and took a deep gulp.

“Do I also get one?” Slowly, Peter rolled of Thor’s lap, his eyes still closed.

“Good morning, Peter, how is the squirrel?”

Confused, Peter glinted up at him. “What squirrel?”

“The one, you were telling me about tonight! Apparently, that ‘bitch’ did something not right.”

“Huh.” Unfortunately, Peter did not seem to remember his dream. What a pity.

“Hey, you’re finally up!” All dressed, Ned and Harley walked back into the living room.

“Morning”, he grumbled.

“Wow, you’re really not a morning person, are you?”, Harley observed.

“How’d you get that idea!”, Ned giggled.

“Give him a break”, Tony threw in, “he fought an evil squirrel tonight.”

“Ouh, new adversary?”

“Hmpf”, Peter grumbled, got up and slowly shuffled out of the room.

“He’s really not a morning person.”

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Best. Fucking. Weekend! He met Spider-Man! Granted, he has met him before, but now he actually knew that he has been hanging out with Spidey all that time! He not only knew who Spidey was, he was actually friends Harley was a little disappointed that all the effort of his Spider-Man-Identity-Extraction-Plan was for nothing, but in the end, who cared?

His potatogun was now improved to Mark VIII, he had made a new friend in Ned and learned so much about Peter’s powers, all in all a full-on success! Harley really was one lucky kid, huh?


End file.
